I hate that I hate my hair (Page 1 of 1)

April 17, 2008
By: Knoxville Voice

I hate the fact that I hate my hair. Trivial, yes, but it’s true. I’m a black woman living in a society dominated by images of white European standards of beauty. You know: hair that is straight, down to the waist and preferably blonde.

I can recall as a child drawing pictures of myself and my family with blonde hair and blue eyes because I thought that was the way we were supposed to look. As I got older, I realized that wasn’t the case, but I still yearned for long, straight hair. I endured burns on my ears and neck from getting my hair pressed with a hot comb and suffered second-degree chemical burns from getting my hair relaxed. Just recently I spent $65 at a salon to have my hair straightened — all of this in the quest for that idealized hair.

I know what you’re thinking: Why put yourself through this kind of expensive torture? The answer: I don’t have a choice. I cannot walk around with my hair in its natural nappy glory for a number of reasons. First, my friends, family and everyone in the black community would ridicule me. That kind of hair is just unacceptable. I’d be subjected to names such as “Buckwheat” or “Kunta Kente’s sister” or anything associated with Africa and slavery.
One of my good friends from high school went natural, allowing her hair to be  in its un-straightened, natural, nappy state. She was besieged by comments such as: “Why don’t you get a perm?”; “You make Buckwheat look better.”; and my own mother said, “She just looks so bad.” And those were some of the tamer comments.

When I floated the idea to my mother that I wanted to follow in my friend’s footsteps, she gave me a look of disgust and asked me why I would want to look that way. Don’t even get me started on everything she said when I asked about dreadlocks. (It was a 10-minute rant about looking professional and presentable and how I’ll never get a job with hair like that and… blah, blah, blah.)If I can’t get support from my own ethnic community, there’s no way I could handle the criticism from society at large.

Which brings me to the second reason I can’t wear my hair in its natural state: I doubt I would be able to find any kind of decent paying job if I walked into the interview with an Afro, dreadlocks or cornrows. It would be deemed unprofessional and unkempt. I experienced this kind of labeling firsthand when I was going through job training and was provided a list with guidelines against “inappropriate dress.” Items on it were cornrows, Afros and otherwise “unkempt” hair. Now if that’s not a deterrent, I don’t know what is.

It makes me angry and sad that people, especially black people, view black hair in such a negative way. I don’t understand why it can’t be embraced as just another type of hairstyle. I shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed if I go a few weeks without having my hair straightened. The attitudes that have been shaped about black people’s hair are part of a greater form of assimilation to the status quo. Black people have been inundated with images that assert white is right and white is the way to be. Anything other than that is considered abnormal or somehow wrong, but it shouldn’t be. Everyone should be able to embrace his or her ethnicity with pride without fear of ridicule or unemployment.

I long for the days of black power when people unabashedly displayed their ethnic pride with giant Afros and dashikis. Now, I don’t want to wear a dashiki, but I do want to have a huge, massive Afro again. I’ve even flirted with the idea of spearheading the natural hair movement, but so far I haven’t had any followers — just laughter and mockery. My roommate often implores why I don’t just lead the charge alone, and I respond that it’s always tough to be the first in anything. I would like to have others go through it with me.

I guess my overall point is the importance of self-love. I shouldn’t be overly swayed by what is popular or acceptable, but I am. I think advertisements need diversity, along with other imagery, to show everyone it’s OK to be different, no matter your skin color or hair type. If it means more realistic, ethnic-looking Barbie dolls or more diverse models, then so be it. I would just like to see a change in the way good hair and bad hair is portrayed.

Lyrics from India Arie’s song “I Am Not my Hair” best sum up my thoughts:

“Good hair means curls and waves
Bad hair means you look like a slave
At the turn of the century
It’s time for us to redefine who we be
You can shave it off
Like a South African beauty
Or get in on lock
Like Bob Marley
You can rock it straight
Like Oprah Winfrey
If it’s not what’s on your head
It’s what’s underneath and say HEY....
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within.”

(2283) Comments

Posted By: theadvocate06 on 4/27/08 at 9:38 p.m.

hair that is straight, down to the waist and preferably blonde.

This hair was bought dear Sista :)
the styles for black hair arent embraced because I dont think too many of us have the patience to deal with all the stares and whispering. Me myself, I dont care about that, I just don't know how to manage this mophead if I dont have a perm. check out this site, it deals with this exact issue.
http://afrobella.com/about-afro-bella/

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