Ask a Gay Guy: Weaknesses (Page 1 of 1)

Dear Gay Guy,

I am a 22-yea- old, straight girl, and I don't really know any gay people. I am always attracted to guys that my friends think are gay — they're not gay, but they are very clean, outgoing, into fashion, enjoy shopping, are magazine hot and great in bed. For example, my last boyfriend took longer in the bathroom than I did, and we would always go to Atlanta to buy clothes because he said that Knoxville doesn't have anything worth wearing. Shortly after moving in together, we broke up after being together for two years. Do you think that my friends might be right, or am I just attracted to good-looking, fun, straight guys?

Thanks,

Magazine Hot is My Weakness

First of all, Sweet Pea, if he’s magazine hot and great in bed, who cares if he’s gay? That being said, these guys that you refer to are not gay. How do we know if someone is gay? Correct answer: They tell us they are (or we see them sleeping with another guy). My general rule is this: If he says he is not gay, then he is not. Because what good does it do to speculate?

All of the traits you mention are common in many gay men but not all. They are also present in many straight men. A better question to ask yourself is whether you want to date a guy who makes you (or me) look butch. And I’d say if you like shopping with him, sleeping with him and hanging out with him, then by all means, live it up! Forget what your friends say. Limiting ourselves to rigid binary gender/sexual roles is boring and unnecessary. Remember the Alfred Kinsey scale; we may all very well be part bisexual. Keep it safe (physically and emotionally) and do what makes you happy. Life’s too short…

Dear Gay Guy,

Do gay men often think or assume that other men are gay?

Sincerely,

Wondering

This question is so funny because it’s true. Gay men often chat about other men who we think are gay, but most often, we are wishing that the guy were gay rather than speculating about his actual orientation. Who could blame us? I wish Brad Pitt were gay. Not that it would do me any good. I should probably wish that he were gay and in my bed without a jealous Angelina busting down my door all Tomb Raider-style; although, I’m guessing that my partner wouldn’t be too keen on that idea anyway.

When I first came out, the guys in the club had an expression they used when pointing out a guy they thought was gay. I remember one friend in particular using the phrase. “CLOCK IT… ” This is one of those phrases that is so cultural that it has no definition when translated. I guess it means, “Look at that queen, who does she think she’s kidding?” (of course, when I say she here, I am referring to a guy) or “Yes ma’am, he’s going home with me tonight.” Of course, we would also use the phrase to call each other out. If you were saying something stupid or wearing something ridiculous, someone might put his hand in your face and say “CLOCKED” meaning “BUSTED.”

I try to avoid judging guys, but sometimes, I just can’t help it… Judgment seems to be part of the deal. That is why I am currently working on the next phase of my career: becoming a local celebrity judge! (Spread the word.)

Dear Gay Guy,

So how do you guys really feel about us lesbians?

Love ya!

Butchie

This, my friend, is why our community is represented by the rainbow. Just as there is a spectrum of gay men, so is there a spectrum of lesbians. And our opinions of lesbians fall all along the spectrum from love to hate (sometimes, depending on the day). I have one friend who claims to have no use for women, especially lesbians. He prefers the company of all gay men, which seems like too much drama for me. Then there are the odd couples where a gay man has chosen a lesbian as his “fag hag” and the two are inseparable. I think this is a cute twist on the gender roles played out by heterosexual couples. A coin toss can determine who is more feminine or masculine, butch or femme, but the two act as a couple in every way but intimacy.

I appreciate lesbians. I am intimidated by some of the more butch women, but I get chills when I hear the “Dykes on Bikes” coming down 10th Avenue in the Atlanta Pride parade. My partner and I are very close to a lesbian couple. They identify as “chapstick” lesbians, so they’re not too butch. And we compliment each other very well. Then, there are times when lesbians are a cornerstone of my experience, like a night at Kurt’s with lesbians in the corner playing pool or seeing lesbians at Pride playing football with painted nipples exposed…

Overall, I think we have realized that it takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round. We need a diverse community to grow, to thrive. What would my life be without lesbians? Incomplete. Without lesbians, I would have to talk to straight men to get my car fixed or learn about sports. *GASP* No thank you, honey. All kidding aside, I think gay men need lesbians (and vice versa) to help us navigate the often-treacherous paths we are blazing alongside the paved roads for heterosexuals.

If you have a question for Ask A Gay Guy, e-mail tmurchis1@msn.com.



* The views expressed in Commentary do not necessarily reflect those of Knoxville Voice.