Ask a Gay Guy: Online Respect (Page 2 of 2)

Now, I understand that you are confused about all of this, especially if these feelings are new to you, but rest assured that very few people are 100 percent secure in their sexuality or relationships. Many people have questions about who they are attracted to or if they are with the right person. We all wonder what we have to offer in a relationship and what we will get in return. And EVERYONE is afraid of getting his or her heart broken. I recommend you approach this from another angle — rather than starting with a label like bisexual/gay/straight, try seeing this as one opportunity to share love with another person.

There will be plenty of time to ask questions and explore your psychology later. For now, I say “Carpe Diem, seize the day, my friend.” I would ask, “What have you got to lose?” But sometimes, that is a loaded question. I hope this is helpful…

Dear Gay Guy,

Nothing against gayness, but this entire column in the Knoxville Voice is just strange. "Ask a gay guy"? Why ever in the world is this even a column? Are gays that confused about themselves and the straights?

So I thought of a question for you: Why do flamboyants always talk with a lisp and say, "Oh my god!" (spoken in valley talk)?  Is that a trait one is born with?

Well, they should just stop.  It's annoying.  Even my male, gay friend hates flamers and he doesn't even know why they do it.

Thanks girl!

Sings

Strange? I think the word you were searching for is queer. This column is queer. See how that works as a clever double-entendre? It means both gay and unusual… two birds, one stone. Next, allow me to point out to you that this column is meant to answer questions that straight people have about gay folks, not the other way around.

Also, please refrain from referring to anyone as “flamboyants.” When you add the “s” to the end it sounds as if flamboyant men are a category on the U.S. Census. The lisp is perhaps a trait that one is born with, but it is more likely that this trait (and many others) is the product of nurture. You see, once a man comes out as gay and becomes comfortable in his sexual identity, he is allowed to express himself more freely without worrying about how to please everyone. We can’t make everyone happy, right? So if he wants to wear loud clothing, or speak with a lisp or say that things are FABULOUS, DARLING, then he is entitled to his prerogative.

Finally, to address your friend who “hates flamers and he doesn't even know why they do it,” I am afraid your friend suffers from what I call “internalized homophobia.” This is understandable, because after enduring years of discrimination, he has chosen to conform to some societal norms and thereby finds some privilege in judging others. Internalized homophobia is common and it serves a purpose. We can’t all be on the fringe… I hope my response isn’t too catty for you. I appreciate your willingness to take the risk and ask it.

Do you have a question for the Gay Guy? E-mail your questions to: tmurchis1@msn.com

* The views expressed in Commentary do not necessarily reflect those of Knoxville Voice.