Ask a Gay Guy: Flaming on TV (Page 1 of 2)

I had a sad realization this past week that was a real eye-opener for me. I have been suffering from a consistent headache for about two months and was trying to decide between a visit to my family doctor or a chiropractor. I contacted my insurance company and was informed that I would need to meet a $1,000 deductible before the insurance would pay 80 percent of my chiropractor visits. Searching for alternatives, I wondered if my partner Jim’s insurance had better coverage and if I should consider joining his benefit plan. After about 10 minutes, reality hit me as I realized that I am not allowed to join his benefit plan. As far as his company and the U.S. Congress were concerned, we were just great friends and roommates.

In moments like these, the reality of being “different” sets in and I start to reflect on all the other ways that my life is just slightly askew from that those in the “norm.” For example, I came out about a dozen times this month. Every time I lead a training class for new employees at my job or meet someone new, when they talk about their husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, I have to choose: Do I want to continue the conversation? If so, then I have to “come out” about being gay. I say something like, “Sure, my partner Jim and I love to go snow tubing in Maggie Valley.” And then I wait. I wait to see if they have a question, because I am a people pleaser and don’t mind answering questions. Or perhaps they want to tell me about a gay relative that they have. That’s always fun! But then, if I don’t say anything then I am choosing to stay in the “closet.” I risk people thinking that I am ashamed or feel guilty about being gay.

And then, when I lead a diversity training, if I include homophobia in the list of various –isms (racism, classism, sexism, etc.), then I get accused of having a homosexual agenda. I know that I am not alone in this. If I were a woman leading a discussion on gender oppression, I would be accused of carrying a feminist agenda or of being a “bitch.” This is a lot to deal with, people…

Dear Gay Guy:

Why are all the 'out' gay characters in movies and television (shy a handful) always depicted in the same way? They always are shown as flamboyant, loud, shallow sluts, with sassy attitudes (there is nothing wrong with that, but it's such a small segment of our population) — yet almost every American sees us all in the same image as Margaret Cho says: "the bantam weight Latino in hot pink hot pants in the Gay Pride Parade yelling ‘We're here, we're queer, get used to it!’"

I am not sure. I have wondered about gay characters being used for entertainment, but not being treated as equal citizens in this society. I believe it was also Margaret Cho who said, “If you LOVE Will and Grace but aren’t sure how you feel about gay marriage, F*** YOU!” While my feelings are not that strong, I have questioned America’s willingness to buy and sell gay culture (through movies and TV, fashion, language, etc.) but not pay the price.

I can’t speak for how Americans see us, but I feel like we are on the rise to equality. Of course, there are those who consider that progress a sign of the end of the world, as if they read about it in Revelation. All I know for sure is that the diversity of the human race is what makes us beautiful and makes life worth living. As our mothers told us, if we were all alike, this world would be a very dull place.

Dear Gay Guy:

Why are so many gay guys (in my experience that is) addicts of something? Every time, it's either alcohol, drugs, food, sex or television. Are we all F'd up?

I wish I could give you a great answer for this, but I only minored in Psychology. I do remember something about addictions replacing voids in people’s lives. I am not an expert and do not claim to be, but as an opinion columnist, I will give you my opinion.

I think that many people, gay or straight, turn to alcohol or drugs (and maybe food) as a way to ease social anxiety. Remember that for many young queer folks, the club scene is the only community that they are able to find. Couple that with insecurity or uncertainty of self and awkwardness in social situations, and it makes sense that one might prefer to cruise the bar under the influence of an altered reality. Maybe a beer bottle in hand alleviates some of the social pressure, but perhaps that bottle leads to another and another, and ultimately to alcoholism.