Ask a Gay Guy: Dress-Up Outings (Page 1 of 2)

A friend e-mailed me a few weeks back to ask for my input on “any personal experiences or general knowledge that separates the gays of the South from the rest of the country.” He was giving a presentation at his college’s Gay Straight Alliance meeting, and that week’s focus was “the South.” Of course, I responded with a few anecdotes about growing up in a small town in 
Middle Tennessee.

I talked about what it means to be a “sinner” in the Bible Belt, and how I imagine it might be a bit easier to function in an area that doesn’t have a church on every corner. I admitted I had no idea if my assumption were true, but it is the opinion I hold for now.

I also mentioned a few gay friends I have in very rural areas of Tennessee and how they often fear if they come out, they might lose their jobs, their friends, their family and perhaps even their lives. This is not to say the South is the only place where homophobia, hatred and bigotry exist. Homophobia, like racism, exists everywhere.

Fast forward to this past weekend. I drove up to Whitesburg, Ky., for a board meeting. A friend of mine owns a restaurant/coffee shop/bar in Whitesburg. On Saturday night, several friends and I hung out there listening to a band and taking in the scene. The place was far from packed, but several folks had come out for the show. I will admit I was surprised to see how cosmopolitan most of the patrons were, with outfits and haircuts straight out of Vogue, or at least US Weekly.

The owner introduced me to a few people, including one guy who was openly gay. I am not really certain why I was so surprised, but I definitely was. With his large black cowboy hat and bleach-stained jeans, he immediately stuck out to me. I noticed a sign on his coffee table that read: “Reserved for Joe Carmine* and friends.” It seems they frequent the place.

As the night wore on, we all spent more time together drinking and talking about four-wheelers, trucks and the Army, among other things. I didn’t feel any sense of fear or danger in being out in such a rural place. In fact, there were several other gay men in the bar. I wondered what it might be like to live in that community rather than being an outsider just enjoying one evening there.

Things are not always as they seem, but this seemed like an ideal situation. At the very least, it seemed like a much better situation than I had imagined. I may have stumbled into a small-town gay bar. I hope to go again!
   
Here are some questions from the Ask A Gay Guy mailbox.

Dear Gay Guy,
I am 30 years old (female, bisexual) and have been going to the gay bars in Knoxville since I was 18. They were (and still are) my favorite places to hang out, have drinks and have a really good time. I have a lot of gay/lesbian friends as well. Why is it that when I was younger, people looked like they put some effort into looking good to go out? The women would wear skirts, makeup, whatever; the men would look really nice as well. In the past few years, it seems like no one gives a shit about their appearance anymore! You know? Wife-beaters and dirty jeans and greasy hair (men and women). I don’t get it. Going out to the Carousel used to be a dress-up occasion. Any insights? Or am I just getting to be old and crotchety?

I would say you are just getting old and crotchety. I mean c’mon, women wear skirts? No way! Of course, I am kidding.

Actually, I have heard this complaint from many of my friends. I haven’t been around the Knoxville club scene long enough to notice the change, but I do see the end effect. I will admit it is less than appealing.

My immediate guess is the clothing choices are related to apathy — why should I get dressed up to go to a place that looks and smells like the slums? Though I have a great time at Carousel, it often smells of piss and vomit. When I go to Rainbow Club, I come home smelling of cigarette smoke (which totally grosses me out since I quit two years ago) and the bottoms of my pants are all black from cigarette ashes and spilled booze. The last woman I saw all dressed up ruined her outfit by stumbling all over the stage (DURING THE SHOW), showing her vajayjay (as Oprah might call it) and eventually being kicked out of the club — cute dress, heels and all.